Friday, February 6, 2009

alert- VENTING

Disclaimer: These are just some thoughts after some recent events. In no way is it meant to offend anyone that reads it. If you wanna talk to me more about it, send me an email. Thanks!

Why are some mothers so critical? I mean really- just because someone doesn't do something the way you do it doesn't make it wrong. There are the notorious debates....

Circumcised VS UnCircumsised
Breast VS Bottle Fed
Disposables VS Cloth Diapers
Scheduled/ Fully Vaccinated VS Partially/Delayed/UnVaccinated
Homemade Baby Food VS Canned Baby Food

I understand and commend your choice on whatever it may be.
However, do not make me feel bad for my choice.
I am a Mother. And a good one at that.
I have decided to do what I think is best for my baby and my family.
Those choices might be different for yours. And they probably are.

But how can you sit there and say cloth diapering is a waste and doesn't save money or time and yet you take time and make all your own baby food? That's not the most convenient way to feed your baby solids and yet why do you do it? Because you feel that is what is best for your baby. That is how I feel about the decisions that I have made. They are best for ME and MY family.

I guess I'm just annoyed because I feel some people are uneducated about whatever topic it is that they are offending the other side. I try to learn all I can about the pros and cons to whatever topic it is and then I make my decision. I hope you do too. And just because we disagree doesn't mean we can't be friends! =]

This is what I do and why I have done it, take it how you will.

Circumcised VS UnCircumcised-- I circumcise basically for hygiene and because of family history.
Breast VS Bottle Fed-- I bottle fed Parker. Not by choice. My milk didn't come in. I am hoping to nurse/pump for this baby. I will more than likely stop at 6ish mon and pump for the rest of the year. When Parker was 1 I just could never imagine nursing him. I'm against the idea of child-led weaning.
Disposables VS Cloth Diapers-- I use cloth. There are no chemicals against my baby's skin, its better for the environment (yes you use water and a lot of it. but water is a renewable resource & my plastic diapers aren't filling up the landfill), it is cost-effective. I use disposables sometimes and have some stocked up for emergencies.
Scheduled/ Fully Vaccinated VS Partially/Delayed/UnVaccinated-- I'm vaccine cautious. I did the whole 'by the book' with Parker up until he was 12mon. And now I'm trying to delay vaccinate him. He will not get the flu vaccine. He will be titre tested for chickenpox before kindergarten to see if he has developed immunity. If not, I will consider the Vaccine. This baby is not getting the hepB in the hospital. He will start vaccines at his 2 mon. And hopefully he'll get 1 aluminium vaccine an appt after that.
Homemade Baby Food VS Canned Baby Food-- I make my own baby food. This is definitely better on the wallet. My baby will get the taste of the 'real thing' (seriously- have you ever tried the canned food?) and hopefully will be more apt to be a good eater. Its healthier. No preservatives or added sugar/salt. With a little effort- it's just as convenient as canned.

I'd love to hear why you do what you do!! =]

Finally, I hope that I have never 'knocked' the other side for their choice. If I have, I am sorry.
Phew, I feel a little better....


Shelby and Brian said...

Yeah, I feel your frustration. Most decisions are personal though, so people should see both sides. What works for one family doesn't always work for another. Sometimes I think that people can take things personally or misinterpret them as insults or "low shots"

With all due respect though, having a circumcised penis is not anymore hygienic than an uncircumcised one. That was an old stereotype that has been medically dis proven about 20 years ago.

HollySteffen said...

right. i think they have proven that the risk of infection doesn't change with a circumsised. but if it is uncircumsised they do have to take more time to clean it (esp with newborn diaper changes!) haha...

but you're right. it is personal. and that's pretty much all it is anymore. i've discovered that most of the time (not all) the baby boy will be whatever daddy is. =] since men seem to have the final say on that topic.

Shelby and Brian said...

Yeah I've heard that guys usually do it to their sons if they are. Brian isn't (haha this IS getting personal) but after doing research Brian thought it was best not to. So we just decided not to when we found out we were having a boy. So we're kind of different from the norm I guess.

HollySteffen said...

you never were the norm shelb.


Shelby and Brian said...

I just re-read that and thought it might be confusing... Brian IS circumcised and Owen isn't.

Shelby and Brian said...

thanks HoL. I have always enjoyed our discussions and how we're always cool about discussing our beliefs without pissing eachother off. Ya know? It's a sign of good friendship.

HollySteffen said...

i knew what you meant. or else it wouldn't have made sense.

nice comment-convo btw.

HollySteffen said...

yep, it was like that. even in college. we rock. && that's what makes us bff. =]

Shelby and Brian said...

Alright last thing before I stop over-commenting... I think that a lot of arguments are due to lack of communication. Really when you take down those labels, we all want the best for our kids. All of us have more in common than we give eachother credit for. If everyone could just see that and stop being so judgmental we would never have to post rant blogs.

HollySteffen said...

amen momma!

(ps- you can overcomment anytime.)

R,K,L said...

Haha... i was going to say amen sista and i saw you said "amen momma" to shelby. i totally agree with you. its our turn to parent and we will do it the way we want!

Shelby and Brian said...

=) !

Sara said...

Circumcised VS UnCircumcised--

Left my son intact. All my (extensive) research showed that there was no compelling medical or hygiene reason and so I went with the easy default. Caring for wounds freaks me out ever since I had my ears pierced as a pre-teen. The idea of doing that with an infant penis? GAH! NO WAY. Even if there were compelling medical evidence, I would have a hard time messing with the default of nature.

Breast VS Bottle Fed--
Exclusive breastmilk for the first 6 months. Avoided bottles wherever possible. (blah blah extensive research.. blah blah) I'm also a milk donor. I've pumped around 300oz to donate to three different babies. My *personal* view of formula is that it's a medical intervention. When necessary, it's awesome and life-saving. When unnecessary, it's.. Uh.. Not. Which doesn't mean that I get down on those that formula feed by choice. It just means that I'm a fanatic about supporting those that DO want to breastfeed. To the point of being a milk donor. I hate hate hate (with a capital HATE) doctors, nurses, lactation consultants and pretty much everyone that a mom might look up to, that actively sabotages mom's supply through bad advice and misinformation. Those are the only people that incite my ire. :) I'm one of /those/ child-led weaners because blah blah extensive research blah blah implies that it's the natural default, and I love me a good default unless more extensive research shows that the default is somehow faulty.

Disposables VS Cloth Diapers--
Disposables. For a number of reasons, primarily financial and avoidance of additional congestion to an already congested area. Financially, washing diapers while living in NYC with tiny over-priced pay-per-load washers that do a rotten job of washing.. Yeah. Not a good option financially or cleanliness-wise. Neighborhood laundry services do not accept cloth diapers, and there are no diaper services that I could find in Manhattan. Having a diaper service drive a one-week supply of cloth diapers into Manhattan from New Jersey just doesn't feel that environmentally friendly. I chose what seemed to be the least of two evils, but am currently re-evaluating my decision based on new information (and new washer/driers in the building). My next child will very likely be cloth diapered, as I always intended to cloth diaper.

Scheduled/ Fully Vaccinated VS
Partial and delayed. He's only being vaccinated against the slightly more dangerous diseases that are more common to the area, or the slightly less dangerous diseases that are very uncommon due to vaccines (ie: less likely to catch them naturally and gain immunity before increased age makes them more dangerous to contract. Such as measles.)

Homemade Baby Food VS Canned Baby Food-- I did a mix. Made my own and also bought some jarred organic baby foods. But only the ones whose taste I could tolerate. (Butternut squash + corn puree from Earth's Best? *DROOL*) Truth is, my son didn't eat much solids until he was able to chew, so if he had two cubes of homemade and one 4oz jar (which he'd seldom finish) per week, that was a lot. Once he could chew he pretty much ate mushed versions of whatever we were eating.

The Stephenson Family said...

I know what you mean. These are all personal decisions, but I do think it's good to have good, healthy discussions with other moms about them. I've learned a lot from research, other moms, etc, that I never would have known had I not discussed it with other open-minded mommas.

The only thing I have to comment on is that there is actually *less* care of an intact penis in the newborn phases. You don't retract the penis whatsoever until the child is able to do it himself. So, technically, you have to care for a wound from circumsion, where you just wipe the outside of an intact penis until the child is fully retracted(which a parent NEVER does.)

Also, I did a combo of homemade/jarred food. I did the organic route with the jarred because it made me feel better. haha. But, I was also a bf'ing, cd'ing student mom, so I didn't have a lot of extra time.

I've used both CD and sposies. I loved cloth in the newborn stages because I have a child with the world's most sensitive skin. Now that he's over 2, we use sposies because I'm in nursing school and the poop is a LOT worse. Hopefully he'll be potty trained soon!

You know my stance on vax's. HUGE issue to me only because it affects other children, not just the ones getting vax'd.

Vaxing is the only parenting option that I'm VERY vocal about because it's something that can affect other, children, etc.

You're a great mom, Holly!

The Stephenson Family said...

Wanted to say one more thing--
I was only stating what we did with our son, but I'm in no way judging other moms. I think everyone can agree that each and every mom just wants what is best for her baby.

The Creepy Crawley's said...

I agree with other mothers being judgemental about choices other mothers make, it's frustrating. I've learned to just ignore it and remind myself that they don't understand my situation and they are assuming they know right, but I know what's RIGHT for my family.