blogging...

So I'm going to really try to get better at this. Like many people out there (as I found out through browsing blogs) I feel like my life is too boring to blog. I mostly take care of Parker, run the occassional errands, and that's about it. But, I'm going to try to blog more and then maybe my life will seem more interesting!

My cousin came over to visit today. It was nice because I really haven't had the chance to have one on one time with her in a while. We weren't that close when we were younger and then when I was around 15/16 we started becoming close. That remained through the first couple years of college. Then she got married and we slowly drifted apart. So, it was nice to catch up. I always love "talking baby" and since she's pregnant it was nice to do that. She's due June 19th and I'm really happy for her. Rob and her are the cutest couple practically ever. They aren't finding out if it's a boy or girl. I'm kinda thinking boy but I'm not sure yet. She nannys for these people in Victor and I guess their house is amazing. I can't wait to go and see it. I had no idea she was right around the corner!

I have to vent a little about a personal issue. Well, actually it's not venting. Its, well, I don't know the word. When I went to college I weighed X pounds. My first year I roomed with my (now) bff Shelby. We got an amazing workout routine in. We went to the gym 4-6 days a week and worked out for an hour each time. We ate amazing. At the end of the year I was X-20lbs. Shelb left MCC and got married that summer. Over the next 2 yrs at college I gained the 20 lbs back (so I was back to X weight). I got married in June 06. A couple months after being married I now weighed X+35lbs. Then I got pregnant and became X+55lbs. (I only gained 20lbs being preggo which was great) I didn't get the chance to nurse and needless to say- I still am 15 lbs heavier. So Now I'm X+50lbs. This is unacceptable. I have a couple weaknesses/obstacles that make it hard for me to lose it.
1.) I have no work out parter to keep me motivated and make working out fun.
2.) I love eating.
3.) I love food that's horrible for you- fried food, snacks, creamy dressings, pizza, pasta.
4.) I have no money to join a gym which is what I really need.
5.) Eating healthy is expensive. Once again, we're so broke...

I always felt like I was fat. BUT Now I feel like I am a fat person. There's a big difference. I feel trapped in this body. Anyone who has ever been overweight knows my struggle. I hate it. I hate skinny people that eat whatever they want. I am lucky that my husband loves me no matter what. But, I don't love myself. Not right now. I just want to sob and I know that's not going to change anything.




On a happier note: I gave Parker his nighttime bottle and he fell asleep on me. That's the greatest feeling in the world. I love him so much. I can't even describe it.