my 4 monther

He's a healthy baby boy! We just gotta work on his head tilt. haha.. loong story.

He's 13lbs and 24 inches.

freak out

So there's this car right outside our window and every 3-5 minutes the alarm of the car goes off. It lasts for about 15-30 seconds and then stops. What the heck is going on. I'm about to flip out. On someone. Soon. Very soon.

blogging...

So I'm going to really try to get better at this. Like many people out there (as I found out through browsing blogs) I feel like my life is too boring to blog. I mostly take care of Parker, run the occassional errands, and that's about it. But, I'm going to try to blog more and then maybe my life will seem more interesting!

My cousin came over to visit today. It was nice because I really haven't had the chance to have one on one time with her in a while. We weren't that close when we were younger and then when I was around 15/16 we started becoming close. That remained through the first couple years of college. Then she got married and we slowly drifted apart. So, it was nice to catch up. I always love "talking baby" and since she's pregnant it was nice to do that. She's due June 19th and I'm really happy for her. Rob and her are the cutest couple practically ever. They aren't finding out if it's a boy or girl. I'm kinda thinking boy but I'm not sure yet. She nannys for these people in Victor and I guess their house is amazing. I can't wait to go and see it. I had no idea she was right around the corner!

I have to vent a little about a personal issue. Well, actually it's not venting. Its, well, I don't know the word. When I went to college I weighed X pounds. My first year I roomed with my (now) bff Shelby. We got an amazing workout routine in. We went to the gym 4-6 days a week and worked out for an hour each time. We ate amazing. At the end of the year I was X-20lbs. Shelb left MCC and got married that summer. Over the next 2 yrs at college I gained the 20 lbs back (so I was back to X weight). I got married in June 06. A couple months after being married I now weighed X+35lbs. Then I got pregnant and became X+55lbs. (I only gained 20lbs being preggo which was great) I didn't get the chance to nurse and needless to say- I still am 15 lbs heavier. So Now I'm X+50lbs. This is unacceptable. I have a couple weaknesses/obstacles that make it hard for me to lose it.
1.) I have no work out parter to keep me motivated and make working out fun.
2.) I love eating.
3.) I love food that's horrible for you- fried food, snacks, creamy dressings, pizza, pasta.
4.) I have no money to join a gym which is what I really need.
5.) Eating healthy is expensive. Once again, we're so broke...

I always felt like I was fat. BUT Now I feel like I am a fat person. There's a big difference. I feel trapped in this body. Anyone who has ever been overweight knows my struggle. I hate it. I hate skinny people that eat whatever they want. I am lucky that my husband loves me no matter what. But, I don't love myself. Not right now. I just want to sob and I know that's not going to change anything.




On a happier note: I gave Parker his nighttime bottle and he fell asleep on me. That's the greatest feeling in the world. I love him so much. I can't even describe it.

Hey Neb

So Parker has to take a nebulizer treatment. The Doc said it might just be because he is sick that he is weezing. I really hope he doesn't have asthma. That would totally stink for him. He also has an ear infection. So it's his first taste of bubble gum amoxicillin. He seems to enjoy it!

Hopefully there's an end in sight for this. Poor little guy. He breaks my heart.

I'll love ya tomorrow...

Tomorrow is pretty much my fave day of the year. Brian has to student teach until 3:30 and then works until 8 or 9p. So, we won't get to spend a whole lot of time together. BUT I am still so excited. We always make dinner together and open presents.

This valentine's day isn't going to be as good as the last. Let me fill you in bc I didn't know most of the people who read my blog a year ago:

My last period was Jan 13th and We had been trying to have a baby for a couple months with no hope. Almost every month I would take a test and to my dismay see only one line meaning "no baby yet". I was starting to get very discouraged. During stake conference- I can't remember when it was- a speaker said something to the effect of "patience equals faith". That quote stuck with me and I plastered it all over our apartment. I decided that it would happen when it was supposed to. If I showed patience then I would automatically be exercising my faith. And if I was faithful then I would obviously be patient bc it would happen in His time. So now it is my new motto to life. It was Valentine's day and Oswego & Syracuse got nailed with a storm. We were recieving about a foot per hour of snow. My work in Syracuse called me and closed for the day- and they NEVER close. So, Brian still plowed his way to school but I got to stay home! Lucky me! So I was talking to my very bestest friend Shelby online (who lived in VA at the time- her hubby is in the USNavy). She told me I should take a test. I said I didn't want to because I didn't want to be dissapointed like I had so many times before. Well, I thought about it and I had a test at the house and decided that I might as well take it. So, I went into the bathroom and took the test. I then proceeded to the bedroom where I got on my knees, crying, and petitioned Heavenly Father that his will be done. I had never said that before. I always just prayed that I would be pregnant. So I prayed and cried for the whole 3 minutes. I went back into the bathroom and I saw the 2 lines from the door. We had did it! We were going to have a baby! I jumped up and down and was absolutely elated. I thanked Heavenly Father over and over. It to date was the best feeling of my entire life!! I trudged through the snow to JCPenney which was in walking distance. I bought a cute little light green sleeper with turtles (size nb) and went back home. I wrapped the outfit up with the test. I got changed into my Valentine's clothes and I waited for Brian to come home (about 8 hours later). He opened the gift as soon as he got home and pretty much cried. We were so happy. We were becoming a family. He then made a yummy shrimp scampi dinner and we enjoyed the rest of the day!

I knew without a doubt that it was God's plan for me to get pregnant then bc I got baptized Oct 14th and I was sure I was going to get pregnant right away because I got baptized and joined the church so I knew Heavenly Father was happy and was going to bless me with a child. Well, my due date was Oct 20th. That was the first Saturday that Brian and I would be able to be sealed in the Temple!! We were able to get to the temple before Parker was born bc we went on a weeknight (oct 16th)- my exact day of confirmation a year later. We went to the 8pm session. I was induced the next morning at 7:15am. Parker Brenner Steffen was born Thurs the 18th of Oct at 6:39pm. Talk about a busy couple days!!

Mitt Romney

I can't believe he dropped out.
There's no hope for America now.

Super Saturday, Sunday, & Tuesday

Super Saturday
Saturday was Gordon B. Hinckley's funeral. Being in NY we were only able to watch it online. I am glad however that it was online and we didn't have to do to the ward building to see it. Why you ask? Because I cried like a baby and I like to do that in the privacy of my own home.

I can't believe he's gone. In my heart I secretly hoped he would live forever. Purely selfish I'm sure. He wanted to be with his beloved again.

When I began investigating the church in october '05 he was my first love. Before I read and have gotten a testimony of the BOM I knew that he was an inspired man. Brian (now my husband) would bring me to the visitors center in Palmyra and I would play with all the touch screens and listen to what he had to say. I loved hearing him speak on marriage and familes. I totally agreed with everything he said.

It is going to be hard for me to see a new president. I know that President Monson is called of God and that he will lead the church. I fully sustain him as a prophet, seer, and revalator. However, I must admit it is going to take me a little bit to gain a testimony of him. I don't think that is bad though... Just like in James we are asked to search our heart to see if these things are true. And, my friends, that is exaclty what I am doing.


Super Sunday
Sunday was the Superbowl! It was the Giants vs Patriots. The patriots had an undefeated season of 18-0. If the Patriots won they would be the second only ever team with a perfect season. The last was the Miami Dolphins in the 1970s. The Giants record was opposite. They were a wild card team. When I was little my cousin liked the Giants. And since I looked up to my cousin - I decided to like them too. They had always been my fave team but I wasn't totally into football. Well, after some amazing plays. The Giants won! Yipee!

Super Tuesday
I have never been much involved in politics until this election. The only other Presidential election I could vote in- everyone knew Bush was going to win and I didn't take the time to research to pick a candidate that I thought was suitable. This year I have been totally involved in the debates and stands on political issues and I have selected my candidate. Mitt Romney. However, it looks like he might not get the nomination. So now I'm emotionally invested and I have to say that I don't like it at all. The other candidates are second in rank compared to him. It's sad that more people don't see that. Plus, how awesome would it be to have revalation from God about our country. It would be awesome.

I know that no matter what the outcome our Country will be okay. (Well, execpt if Huckabee wins and we have no IRS!) He stated and I quote "I can not wait to nail the going out of business sign on the doors of the IRS". He is a nutcase. Please whatever you do- do not vote for him.

Thanks for listening...
until next time-
take care of yourselves.